Mirrored Pain
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: Usagi says something unforgivable to Mamoru one night. Can she ever make it right? Will he accept her apology? Will the mirror of their lives be able to fit both of them in it? Or will it shatter, leaving broken dreams to litter the floor?


Petra: I wrote this story a long time ago. I really don't think it's that good but, whatcha gonna do? It's cute, though, I have to admit that much. I was really to obsessed with Usagi and Mamoru way back when.   
Kati: *shakes head sadly and turns away to eat more Chinese food* ^_^ -yum!  
Petra: Give me some!!!   
Kati: No! *runs away*  
  
DEDICATED: Remember, mirrors don't just reflect our wishes. Oft times, they are the only ones who know who we really are.  
WARNING: Usagi being mean...? (I really don't know what to put here.), the time switches a whole lot...  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sailor Moon nor do I own the lyrics to Mirror, Mirror. Richer, more successful people than I do.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
Mirrored Pain  
  
"It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride." -Sorceress Fantasia; Mr. Agony (GW)  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
NOTE: The time switches a lot so you really need to make sure that you pay attention to what day it is. It's confusing... and I probably should rewrite it... but I don't have the time nor the inclination due to the fact that I'm spending far too much time on my old stories already so... *shrug* So just play close attention.   
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
Why don't I like the girl I see?  
The one who's standing right in front of me  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* SATURDAY EVENING *  
  
I stare into the mirror. I hate myself. I hate myself. God, I HATE myself! How could I say those things to him, even if he is Mamoru? How could you screw up things when you're trying to get someone to like you? I could write a book on that. I'm so totally stupid. I let myself slide down to the floor, and then solidly bang my head repeatedly on the cabinet.  
  
"Usagi," my mother asks, "Are you alright?"  
  
I straighten quickly, my eyes darting to make sure I locked the door. I slump in relief when I see that I have, indeed, locked it.  
  
"I'm okay," I say, stopping my voice from wavering.   
  
"Really?" she asks hesitantly.   
  
"Yeah," I reply.   
  
"Well, if you're sure…" she says and hesitantly walks away, her footsteps muffled by the hallway carpet.  
  
Why did I do that? Why did I say those horrible awful things? Why? Why…  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
Why don't I think before I speak?  
I should have listened to that voice inside of me  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* SATURDAY AFTERNOON *  
I trudge to the arcade, wanting to go there so much but so afraid. I walk up to the big windows and peer through. There he is, sitting at the counter, looking absolutely gorgeous, as usual. I turn around, my back toward him, and let myself slide down the wall, ignoring the weird stares I am getting.   
  
Why didn't I think before I spoke? I feel tears come to my eyes and can't blink them back. My shoulders begin to shake and I bring my knees up to wrap my arms around them.   
  
"Usagi-chan? Usagi-chan, get up," a kind voice says, slowly and gently pulling me up.   
  
"Mo-Motoki-onii-san?" I ask, looking up in surprise. What he sees isn't very good because he almost draws back in surprise and gasps.  
  
"Usagi-chan, are you alright?" he wipes a tear from my eye and I wonder why I couldn't have fallen in love with someone sweet like him. "Usagi-chan, why are your eyes so dead?" Then without another word he pulls me up and into his arms, where I sob my heart out.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
I must be stupid  
Must be crazy  
Must be out of my mind  
To say the kind of things I said to you last night  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Motoki gently tries to lead inside the arcade but I stop, staring with wide eyes at Mamoru who is completely unaware of the things going on outside. "I- I can't face him," I whisper, my lips trembling.  
  
"What?" suddenly a burning fire enters his usually warm brown eyes, "My God, if something he said made you this way…"   
  
He begins to walk forward and I gasp, quickly grabbing his sleeve. "Motoki-onii-san, no, it wasn't him. It was me, I said some things to him last night that are completely unforgivable…" I turn to Motoki, my eyes filling with tears again, "Motoki-onii-san, I made him cry, I made Mamoru-kun cry and I don't know what to do to fix it."   
  
Motoki stares at me wide-eyed and then wraps me in his arms again. "What happened?" he whispers…  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall  
You don't have to tell me  
Who's the biggest fool of all  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* SATURDAY EVENING *  
  
I bang my head even harder on the cabinet, wishing I were dead. I stand up slowly and stare at myself in the mirror. I scrub my eyes with my hands and then look at the stranger who is staring back at me. That can't be me, because I would never say something so hurtful to another person…  
  
"You disgust me," I whisper to the person in the mirror, "I can't believe what you did." Then with a sob full of anguish I let my forehead hit the mirror and whisper, "I'm such a fool, I completely destroyed any chance I had with my Mamo-chan… No, not mine and not Mamo-chan, just plain old Mamoru-san…  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
Mirror, mirror I wish you could lie to me  
And bring my baby back  
Bring my baby back to me  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* SATURDAY AFTERNOON *  
  
"Well," I answer to his whispered question, "We were arguing like always and so I told him that I loved someone for some reason, I can't remember why…" I rub my eyes and then stare at the back of Mamoru's raven head. "And he said something like, 'Who could ever love you, you're just a silly Odango Atama?' As you know, though, he's the one I was talking about, so that really hurt… and so I lashed out at him and said something so cruel I can't believe I said it…" I trail off, the words burning the back of my throat and all of my heart…  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
Why did I let you walk away?  
When all I had to do was say I'm sorry  
I let my pride get in the way  
And in the heat of the moment I was to blame  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* FRIDAY EVENING *  
  
"Who could ever love you, you're just a silly Odango Atama?" Mamoru smirks, watching me.  
  
That hurt. I've been harboring secret feelings for Mamoru for a long time and that hurt a whole lot. I struck out, "I am loved, unlike you, you cold and unfeeling jerk! Nobody could ever love you because you're so cold and mean! I doubt even your parents love you!" I instantly regretted what I said and clapped my hands over my mouth, my eyes going wide, as Mamoru's dark blue eyes became pain-filled.  
  
"You don't know what you're talking about," he whispers, his voice choked with pain, "Just leave me alone…" He turns away and I stifle a gasp as I see that tears are running down his cheeks.   
  
He walks away and I reach out my hand before pulling it back. No, he deserves it! He does… If he deserves it, why do I still feel so horrible? I turn my back on him 'He deserves it' running through me head, though my heart cries out in pain…  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
I must be stupid  
Must be crazy  
Must be out of my mind  
Now in the cold light of the day I realize  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* SATURDAY MORNING *  
  
I open my eyes slowly, and wonder why they hurt so much… before I remember. Suddenly what I had said wasn't quite so deserved. I let out a startled sob, and then turn my head into my pillow so my mother won't hear my sobs.   
  
"Usagi-chan… Usagi-chan, whatever is wrong?" a voice asks into my ear.   
  
"Oh, Luna-neko, I've screwed up everything!" I say, wrapping the surprised feline in my arms. "I'm the most awful, mean, horrible person in the world!"  
  
"Usagi-chan, you are the least horrible person I know. In fact, you are the kindest," Luna replies, surprised, and licks my cheek.  
  
I just continued to cry into her black fur. She doesn't know me very well… God, how could I have been so cruel…  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall  
You don't have to tell me  
Who's the biggest fool of all  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* SATURDAY AFTERNOON *  
  
"Surely he'll still insult you, in fact it'll probably be worse then before," Motoki says, putting his arm around me in comfort.   
  
"Really?" I ask hopefully.   
  
Motoki laughs and answers, "I'd never thought I'd see the day when you were actaully hopeful that Mamoru-kun would insult you, but, yes, it's a pretty sure bet."  
  
I smile hopefully and then with a deep breath, step inside…  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
If only wishes could be dreams  
And all my dreams could come true  
There would be two of us standing here in front of you  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* SATURDAY AFTERNOON *  
  
I practically skip across the room and sit next to Mamoru. He doesn't even notice and is staring absently into space. "Ne, Mamoru-baka, anyone in that dumb head of yours?"  
  
He snaps to attention and notices me. The flash of hurt and loneliness that flashes through his eyes almost takes my breath away. He gets up stiffly, says a good-bye to Motoki, and leaves.  
  
I stare after him, my bottom lip trembling, as I watch him walk out of the arcade and into the street. "Mamo-chan," I whisper so low that not even Motoki, who is staring after Mamoru in shock, hears me, "I'm so sorry… I'm sorry a hundred times over… Will you ever forgive me?"   
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
If you could show me that someone I used to be  
Bring back my baby to me  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* NEXT TUESDAY AFTERNOON *  
  
I stare blankly ahead, Mamoru's pain-filled eyes flashing before my own.  
  
"Usagi-san… Usagi-san!" Haruna-sensei screams, slapping her ruler onto my desk.  
  
"Oh… Yes, Huruna-sensei?" I ask, looking up at her. She stares at me a moment and then stammers, "N- Never mind, U- Usagi-san…"  
  
I stare after her retreating back and then go back to staring out the window. At lunch Makoto sits next to me and asks, "Usagi-chan, are you all right? I mean you haven't acted yourself since, well, Friday. Do you want to talk about it."  
  
Instantly my eyes fill with pain. I try to make them stop but I can't and in the end turn away from Makoto's probing and concern-filled gaze.  
  
"It's nothing…" I whisper and then get up and run as fast as I can, anywhere, just as long as it's away…  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall   
You don't have to tell me  
Who's the biggest fool of all  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
* TUESDAY EVENING *  
  
I stare at the paper in my hand and then crane my head back to look at the top of the building. Gee, I had no idea that Mamoru was so rich…  
  
"What are you doing here?" an icy voice asks from behind me and I turn with a gasp.  
  
"Ma-Mamoru-san… I-I c-came to s-see you…" I manage to stammer out.   
  
His eyes remain colder than December and he says nothing. I nervously turn to the door, our reflections shining off the mirror-like wall. "I-I was wondering if we could talk?" I blurt out but before he can say anything I add, "Alone?"  
  
He stares at me for a minute and then motions for me to follow him. I follow, feeling like a criminal being led to my execution. He walks into the elevator and turns around, looking pointedly at me. I step into the aggressive atmosphere and try hard not to start shaking or crying.   
  
When we get to the top floor he walks out and, without turning, proceeds to walk down the hall, clearly hoping I won't follow.  
  
Squaring my shoulders I follow him as he stops in front of his apartment, he opens it and pushes me inside. I walk through the small hallway and into the living room, staring around me. It was small, but the biggest thing that strikes me was that there was not a single photograph in the whole room. The only decoration in the wall is single mirror, quite big in fact…  
  
"Would you like something to drink?" the low voice asks me, startling out of my reverie.   
  
"Ano... no…" I sigh and fidget. In the mirror I am pale and my eyes seem larger… "Mamoru-san… I just… I just wanted to say…" I try to stop the tears. Why am I such a stupid cry baby, why?! "I'm so sorry… so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, it was all an accident, I wasn't thinking…" It all rushes out, my heart glad to be free once again.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
Mirror, mirror I wish you could lie to me  
And bring my baby back  
Bring my baby back to me  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
I stare at the floor, my head bowed, not wanting him to see the tears of shame and guilt. When nothing happens after a few minutes I walk past him toward the door. Right as my hand is about to open the door I whisper, "Sorry, I never wanted to hurt you… In fact that's the opposite of anything I ever wanted… I just wanted you to know…" I pull open the door and step out, but am stopped when I feel a warm hand on my shoulder.   
  
"Usako, don't go, I'm sorry too," I hear a choked sob and turn around, to see he is crying just like me. "I'm very sorry for everything!" Then he hugs me…  
  
I lean my head against his shoulder, and wrap my arms around his waist. I wonder what will happen now? I look past him and see in the mirror the reflection of him holding me. 'Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall, guess this wasn't such a bad idea after all…'  
  
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
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Kati: Cute but not very good.   
Petra: Eh, what can I do? Review and tell me what you think. *hugs*  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


End file.
